(Monday, August 25, 2003) @ 07:27 p.m.
Eh, i'm so damn fickle - go here for my blog again. Later gators =)

VIVI <3

(Saturday, August 9, 2003) @ 01:53 a.m.
Justification why a friend of mine thinks I'm retarded :

Me: I got two tattoos today ...
Friend: WTF?! Did it hurt?! What of?
Me: Sunshines. Haven't been smiling much lately so I thought I would put them on my forearm. Then I can look at them and smile =)
Friend: Aww .. that's so cute =)
Me: Yeah =)
Friend: Did it hurt?
Me: Kinda ... I peeled off the plastic and the water I put onto the tattoo was too hot and it kinda burned my skin ..
Friend: OMFFG!! I thought you got real tattoos! You're such a goof!
Me: Hahaha rotf =D
Friend: Gees, I thought you were serious ... you're such a retard, you bum!
Me: Hahaha sorry =)

You'd be amazed at the kick I got out of that. I ended up fooling three friends. Shows you what I do when I'm bored, heh.

VIVI <3

(Tuesday, August 5, 2003) @ 06:11 p.m.
I woke up today with a severe pain striking through my lower stomach. It hurt so much, I was practically staggering all over the place, it took me about a long five minutes for me to manage to enter the bathroom. The cramp lasted for about eight hours nonstop after that. During the time, i couldn't stop crying because i thought it wasn't going to stop. Well, it did after my grandmother came in and gave me a cup of warm lemon tea. And now i'm fine <33

On a brighter note, my alias online is going to be Vivi. I told Alex that I wanted some kind of nickname other than Toni Balonie or Toni Pepperoni and all that food crap. He came up with Momo, Lei, Ren, Mai, and Vivi - I'm sticking with Vivi because she's a character from One Piece, hah.

Okay, hi i'm Vivi :) Have a nice shiny day.

By the way, I really want this album at the moment. The All American Rejects are practically all i listen to right now, rotf. Seriously, I need to get my butt out of this house and look for it when I have the chance. And I think Tyson Ritter is amazingly hot, haha <33

VIVI <3

(Friday, August 1, 2003) @ 12:46 p.m.
I still had about three hours until I met up the girls at school, so i decided to clean up the junk until my bed. I have a bad habit of keeping everything and anything. Going through the six boxes, I don't know why I kept half the crap I did.

There's a shoebox of notes and letters from friends i had from 2002 till recent. I sat there and read through a couple of them and smiled thinking how silly I was to worry that things will come between us. Skimming through the lines seeing, "friends forever" every other line. The six of us, the crew, the same people I ate lunch with, hung out afterschool with, confided in. Now the six of us, I remain close with only three. Reading what once was and no longer is makes you wonder what happened in the first place .. why the friendship and artifical words were thrown around.

I was wondering what was in the final couple of shoe boxes. Opening the first Nike box, a picture of Zach Lathrop and I welcomed my eyes. Then there was the ex-boyfriends' letters and notes. The "I love you's, I need you's, and forever's" graced each line. It was always them saying "I love you" .. I refrained from saying the three words because I didn't feel like I did love them enough to say those words. It was always, "I love you" and me the "Thank you" or "Hmm, me too". The first person I did say, "I love you" to broke my heart. How? By suddenly appearing with someone else. Rather not get started on that.

How things have changed. How I've shielded my heart from getting hurt all these years. My relationships were almost always filled with disagreements, in the end there's no one I rather be with than my best friends. Go figure?

Today I got to look back if only for a few hours how carefree life use to be, how the biggest worry was, "I hope my yearbook picture doesn't look bad." How times have changed ... how times have changed who we are .. and maybe for the better or maybe not.

VIVI <3

(Thursday, July 31, 2003) @ 12:13 am
I had a weird dream yesterday - well, more like a series of dreams. I woke up all worried that my tooth had fallen out. I don't remember much of the dream, but there was a point where my tooth was uncomfortable so I popped it back into place and it became loose after that. Before I knew it, the tooth had fallen out. I woke up using my tongue to make sure my tooth was still there, then i went to the bathroom to go look, and sure enough, it was still intact.

I was fully awake after that, so I looked up Dream Symbols and long behold no two answers were the same. One said it's common among people who are shy and have trouble getting their opinions heard, while the other one said that it's because you may gossip too much. I'm more of the first one and I'm going with that. I have a struggle getting my opinions voiced mostly cause I'm too shy to say them sometimes. Hmmm .. interesting.

I've had weird dreams for the past couple of nights. I hope they don't mean anything troubling ahead. Maybe I make too much out of dreams, but aren't they the window to the future?

"Dreams are a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep ..." I hope that's not true ... well at least not for the dreams I've been having lately. Yikes.

VIVI <3

(Tuesday, July 29, 2003) @ 6:03pm
An Ex has been on my mind the past couple of days. Yesterday the words, "He never liked you" were muttered as I felt that slight tinge of jealousy arise within me. As the voice continued, I found myself answering with the one word replies - "okay" "really?" "alright" and so on. The more that was said, the more I felt as though I wanted the talk to end. I don't know how I feel at this point in time. What I do know is, the more distance I seem to put between us, the more I find myself saying, "I miss you." For once I would love for everything to make sense. If not for the day, just for a mere minute or two .. I would even settle for a couple of seconds. Everything needs to fall into place... just this once ..

"what my heart feels, my eyes cannot see
what my eyes see, my heart understands
what my heart understands, my mind is confused
where my mind is confused, i am the fool"

VIVI <3